As my mind fly away

as i was listening to a soft instrumental music,  my mind fly away...remembering all my sins..
what did i do on my past..how much good and bad that i have done..although sometimes,
i didn't mean to say like that to others, but what done its done right, there nothing we can change now..
although i really want to be good, i accidentally do it again.. maybe because i am a human..not an angel.. that's the phrase..

you want to see what i wrote when i was in form 1,its like this..

it is written on my diary

IF SOMEONE READ READ THIS BOOK HE/SHE WOULD GET A SIN BECAUSE DON'T ASK MY PERMISSION FIRST.- I'M A VERY SENSITIVE PERSON. ALTHOUGH I'M LOOK LIKE I'M NOT SENSITIVE BUT FOR A SMALL THINGS FOR YOU IT'S A PROBLEMS FOR ME..

and yeah i wrote it in english on my diary, because in my childhood i like english subject so much..although i'm not good in communicating..but't thats ok..

this part in my diary state " I'm not sociality" -in new school only not sure whether it is 2002 or 2003 (all my diary is written in english at that time)

when i at my school i feels different.
when i at my home i feels different.
when i at my school i am a different person.
when i at my home i am a different person.
when i am surrounded with my friends i am a different person.
when i am at my home i become a different person.
i don't like society and social because i don't know how to mix with society.
every time i try to mix with them i feels apart from them.
i am happy with my old friends (priamary school), family and relative but today
i am surrounded with new friends i don't like them except some of them.

another part of my diary "Am I an Alien?"

I am a human not a,
monster or alien but,
I'm always alone and,
I'm feels apart from them.

human have sex male or female,
i am female,
i am not a young girl or woman but i'm midst of them.

i'm not alone when i back home because 
my family make me feels welcome and happier than.....
although i have friends but i don't feels very happy with them.
i am happy when i'm surrounded with  my family and relative 

this "Am I an Alien?," is written when i was in hostel in my form 1.

the continue of Am I an Alien-2 i'm not sure whether i'm in form 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 (at this time i don't stay at hostel anymore) ..haha

I am a human
Human who has no power
to speek or to reject 
what people said.

I am human not a,
monster or beast or
whatever,but I am
alienated from my family

I am a human,
Human who cannot speak
about problem to 
my family member.

I am an Alien
I live far away from 
human.

Human who don't know 
to appreciate what I 
done and the results 
that I got.

An alien who always 
cries inside although
many people can't see
it.

although I am an Alien
but I have feelings too,
feeling that someone appreciate me,love me,
and for what I am.

An alien that always
having fun without
people know that 
I'm always cries in my 
heart.

Maybe it is true 
that a saying said
where there is a happy, 
there is a sad ending.

My life is just like that
Maybe someday someone 
will love me for what I am and 
not for what I did 
and the disguise that I did.
The End.

at the end of my diary state Am I too sensitive or I likes to cry??? Only god knows how much I feel..

i think whoever who read this post or who read my post which i have filter or delete before this maybe they understand..but for those who didn't read it don't worry you can understand it through this poem..
by Hanntzah