Thursday, March 30, 2017

Masih di hati

You know what..

Ternyata kau masih dalam hati aku A..

Betapa rindunya aku pada kau..

The Day You Left

I remember laying in bed,
Thinking of you and feeling such dread

I felt a pain and all the cracks,
I did not realize I would never get you back

My tears were sudden and none withstanding,
My grief, a shriek, my pain overbearing

I only I knew all your own sorrow and pain,
I would have tried to save you I had so much to gain

But I was to late and you let me go
Now I just wish for you to know
I love you and it will always grow

Semenjak dua tiga menjak ni..mungkin sebab tarikh lahir aku dengan kau selang 2 hari sahaja..aku 24 haribulan kau 26 haribulan..aku teringat-ingat kau..

Tak sangka menitis juga air mata aku..
Masuk habuk mungkin..

Saja nak letak poem ni..

Aku insya ALLAH tetap akan mendoakan kau walaupun kau sekarang berada dalam dakapan ilahi..

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Darkness consume


What are you guys doing?

I want to make a clear statement. I know since that incident happened in my life. I've changed.

I'm not the old Hanna anymore. Not the good one. Maybe darkness have consume me little bit.

I'm also feel sorry for myself. I try..

Maybe i fail the test that ALLAH sent me. By giving the human love.

A person that love me the way i am.

I know i found true love after i have love ALLAH with all my heart. I found him (arwah). Then ALLAH took him away from me. That is the biggest test in my life.

[Read here IAM4U]

After that all of me have changed. I'm a human after all. I'm weak. I keep it too long in my heart.

Then ALLAH took my beloved cat Fiddle. That was the saddest moment in my life since arwah gone.

Then I don't know what happen to me. I walk with no soul left in me. All of the love in my heart have gone completely.

That gave a scar in my heart.

I know i have to love ALLAH completely first. I have to get a strong connection with ALLAH like i used to be. Then i will find the one maybe.

😞 That doesn't important anymore.

What important now is i have to make sure i don't repeat my mistake right?

I hope ALLAH forgive me. And i hope i can be more better version than the old Hanna.

Please pray for me ok.

Thank you dear.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Pain & blessed in me 13: Numb dream


Ok i'm writing this on my Alcatel Flash 2 smartphone. My laptop went to workshop yesterday cause the display wasn't working.

That's is "jatuh ditimpa tangga" Malay proverb.

Alhamdulilllah my smartphone is working as usual although it was drop in the water on Tuesday.

Just wanna write here my deepest heart content. You know i have a cakery business. But you know what, i admit I know nothing about business. None!!!

Zero from A to Z.

Cause i never done any business before. I mean except for selling at i have sell my hedgehog, clothes yeah that's about it. But i doesn't require a receipt or invoice.

I know i have to make invoice/receipt, it's just that i have not registered yet at SSM.
I have think a lot of thing like making my company stamp, bunting or pamphlet for promoting my products. But in order to do that i hve to register first at SSM.

Honestly i don't know how to do pamphlet. Looks like i'm a loser right?

I'm not gonna give up yet.

I know i have to do something to make my business+sales expand. But no one want to help me. My family actually they don't agree with what I'm doing.

It's not a secured job. Have to search for a permanent job.

Yeah i know all that. But did they know why i'm still here. Cause eczema and at my hands was on and off. Alhamdulilllah my hands getting better now.

I just need a rest to get better. They don't know how much i disappointed with myself cause i have eczema at my hand.

How i wish it will go away especially at my hand. I have a dream to become baker, i wanna makes bread. I have to go to classes to do that.

But would they say if i have eczema at my hand. Reject me right?

Malaysian knowledge in eczema person is just like an ant.

I'm sorry i said that...

I'm sorry that my tears went down while writing this.

It doesn't mean that i am not grateful to ALLAH. Alhamdulilllah i have hands.

Nobody understand my situation. Nobody ever does!

They can mock me. Please do.. i can't stand it anymore longer..

I have my own reasons. Why i do it in the first place.

I waited for my hand to be better. Cause i know stress makes it even worse. That's why i stay at home apart from waiting to enter Giatmara to get more knowledge in baking.

They didn't know how i break inside when i got eczema at my finger last year. 😢😢.. Doctor confirm that i have allergic contact dermatitis.

I think it ruins my dreams.

My dreams of becoming a baker.

But i never give up. I know insya ALLAH it will get better. Please pray that eczema at my hand heals.

(P/s: please hear Linkin Park songs title Numb. The lyrics is good)

Sincerely me,

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